But, have to share this moment. Have to write about it.
For weeks, and well, really, most of the past few years, I’ve lamented over what to do now. What next?
I majored in journalism, worked in newspaper, which I liked, but had a bad experience with a witch of an editor, and after that worked from home as a freelancer/contractor.
Just a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I found myself on unemployment, laid off.
I knew that I’d be a mommy. I might freelance or work a bit, but mainly, I was looking forward to being at home and a mommy.
Cora died.
I was a stay-at-home-mom without a living child.
It’s been odd. Newspaper is a dying field. So, going back to that isn’t a huge option. And, I love the stay at home flexibility. I think I’d be great working, doing something on my own as my own boss.
But, it bothers me a lot. I feel like I’ve failed at making a living for myself because well, I have.
We’re building to something, I promise.
I was driving the other day, don’t even remember for sure where I was going, but distinctly remember the spot on the road that it came to me. Almost as someone else. A word popped up in my mind and was so clear. So different. It just came to me, like from somewhere else.
“Healer.”
What does that mean?
I had no clue. I instantly connected it to what I was thinking about on the fringes, what I’m meant to do. All my life, I’ve searched not just for a career or a job but a role.
That’s what this was. My role.
Who?
Why?
When?
Where?
How?
I don’t know yet. But, somehow, it came to me, my role.
I don’t know what a healer does. This isn't Harry Potter or some novel. We don't have "healers" in or society, or do we? I’ve never been one to think I could go into medicine, so I don’t know about that type of healing. I really honestly, don’t know. What other types of healers are there? Are there other types of healers?
But, thought I’d share the moment.
Something I struggle capturing on paper.
Something that’s never happened to me before.
My scientific mind wants to find an explanation, or explains it away by saying this was just my brains way of answering.
I can’t make you believe because you aren’t me and weren’t inside of my head in that moment.
A healer.
Huh.
(Keeping comments open, but I can see where they might go, please respect that I've got a different set of religious beliefs than many of you)
